Plugged Into the Power Source

For the past few months, I have been recognizing the incredible value and power of prayer - in my marriage, in my parenting, in my friendships, in my friendship with God.  I used to be hesitant with my prayers. I didn't want to go too deep...probably because I knew what I would find. I knew it wasn't a surprise to God what was tucked deep down in the depths of my being because, well, He's God! He is omnipresent and does know all things. I believe we often fool ourselves into thinking otherwise, in order to fool ourselves into believing that our sin isn't "that bad," and therefore, not that noticeable to God.

Newsflash! He doesn't miss a thing. Good or bad.

He is El Roi - the God who sees.

Makes you want to run and hide, doesn't it? Well, go and ahead and try to hide...He'll be there, too. That is exactly what we do, though, isn't it? We know that He knows our sin and wretchedness, but we hate to admit it and deal with it so we run. We pray only to a certain point. We listen to only so much of what the pastor preaches. We pick and choose what we want to hear (and usually it's all about what we ARE doing right and then we relish in how "righteous" we think we are...how foolish.), and try to push down the conviction rising up inside of us. We stomp our feet in protest. At least, that's what I do. I understand if you don't want to admit stomping your feet, too. I've been there. It's part of running away. I'm an expert at stomping.

I will warn you, though, that eventually your feet will begin to hurt. It doesn't take very long to get to that point, really. And yet many of us are still so stubborn and prideful and we continue to foolishly stomp our feet - swollen and throbbing with pain.

But, oh, how we are missing out on freedom and joy! Conviction is painful, yes. It is uncomfortable and it causes us to squirm within our skin. That.is.the.point. If it didn't feel weird, and sometimes unbearable, we wouldn't recognize that something just isn't right. God gave us the freedom to choose. We can choose to ignore that soul-pulling or we can turn and face our sin and realize just how dirty we really are.

Ugh. I don't like dirt.

I wash my hands a ton every day because I CAN NOT stand for them to be dirty or to feel sticky. How much more should I be disgusted by my sin?! No matter how many times I shower my soul with feel-good phrases or self-help books, I will never feel clean until I have ran to the mercy seat and submersed my soul into the grace and forgiveness that God freely offers. And we reach that mercy seat through prayer.

Prayer is not a checklist. It is not a deal-making process. It is not a Christmas wishlist. Prayer is coming before the Almighty God, your Creator and Savior, and plugging into the only source that can make you clean and bring you freedom.

I encourage you to stop fooling yourself...recognize the squirming and run to the mercy seat. What joy, peace and forgiveness you will find!

Love and Grace

This current trial in my life has brought to light much of my own sin, and not just the sin of my offender. Certain sins have been made very real to me and I now recognize the deep depravity involved, the grossness and perversion of sin - no matter what kind of sin it is. Sin is sin. This refreshed realization has given me the freedom and ability to extend grace to those who have wronged me. I have been forgiven for my horrific crimes against God - how dare I be unwilling to forgive those who have hurt me? I am no less of a sinner than they, and they are no greater a sinner than me. We all deserve hell. We all are offered God's grace. And our responsibility as God's children is to point others to that grace. This means putting aside our rights (or really, what we think we are entitled to - because in all honesty, the only thing any of us truly deserve is hell)...but putting aside ourselves and replace it with God's love. 1 Corinthians 13 speaks about love and lays out plainly the requirements of true love. The first point made is love without action is worthless. It means nothing. It just gets annoying. We can talk all we want about love and grace, but it we do not practice it, what good does that do? Enough talk. Let's get to work!

And it is work. Extending love and grace is easy when things are fine and dandy (when you and your spouse are getting along or your children are being obedient, etc.) Easier said than done when you've been offended or betrayed. This is where denying ourselves, taking up the cross and following Christ comes into play. This is where we must remember our own depravity and the forgiveness and grace God extended to us. (And dare I say, so graciously continues to extended to us. Praise Him!) And He will help. he doesn't expect us to go through life alone and be successful in surviving life's trials, because He knows we can't. He eagerly awaits us to come before His throne, hands open and lifted up, ready to receive the wisdom and strength that only He can provide. Attempts of love and grace on our own will only fail and lead to disaster. With God's help, there is guidance, joy and contentment in the midst of trial.

To be continued...

In spite of me...

The past five weeks have brought a huge learning curve into my life. There is so much on my heart, but I must start with just one bite at a time.
What the Lord has placed on my heart this morning to share concerns our children. I have not been the kindest mommy to my own the past 24 hours and the Lord gently reminded me that I can't do this parenting thing on my own. I can't do this parenting thing without total surrender of my rights and will and wants. I can't do this marriage thing without total surrender of my rights, my will and my wants. I can't do life without being face down on the floor, in total surrender, begging God that He be glorified through my life, in spite of me.
Oh, if we would live in constant surrender...imagine the possibilities! I don't believe we can even comprehend the blessings God would pour down if we would just get over ourselves. I have found joy and contentment when filled with the Holy Spirit, whereas there is only frustration and anxiety when I try to go through life on my own strength.

My prayer today is that the Lord would be glorified through my parenting and my marriage in spite of the wretched and selfish that soul I am.

Feel free to share your prayer in the comments below.

Blessed

To say I am blessed is almost putting it lightly. I enjoyed such a rich time with my Lord this morning and as I begin the rest of my day, I am overwhelmed with how much He has blessed me. When you count your blessings, there's hardly room to include any complaints. I really should count my blessings more often. :)

So as I go about my day today, I will thank the Lord for the dishes I must wash, because my kids have food to eat. I will thank Him for the clothes to wash and put away because it means my family isn't walking around naked. I will thank Him for my husband's job, for we can pay for a home for our family, cars to drive, food to eat, lights at night, etc. I will thank God for poopy diapers and mouths to wipe, because I am able to experience the joy of children when so many others can not.

I will thank Him because He deserves nothing less and I deserve none of this. I will thank Him because He loves me so much, because Christ died for me and because He delights in His children.

Goal-setting

This week my goal is to form a mission statement for myself, as a professional mother. In the book I am reading, "Professionalizing Motherhood" by Jill Savage, she encourages moms to write down their long term and short term goals. I have already had practice doing this in other areas of life, but had not really thought to write down goals in one of the most important aspects of my life. I am terrified of messing up my kids, and even though goal-setting doesn't guarantee perfect, well-rounded kids, at least it gives me something to strive for. This is also exceedingly helpful for my very scattered brain. :)

Several weeks ago I wrote down my short and long term goals as a professional mother. As I write these out again, I hope it will help me develop my mission statement, which is the next step in the process of reprogramming my brain from being "just" a stay-at-home mom to recognizing my incredibly important position as a professional in a very influential field.

Long-term Goals
- raise godly, well-educated adults
- leave a godly legacy for my children and grandchildren in my example of a biblical wife, mother and daughter of the King.
- that my children will have an even deeper relationship with Christ than I and serve Him even greater in their own lives.

Short-term Goals
- that my children come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ (one down, three to go!)
- to teach my children HOW to spend time with God and to know their doctrine.
- to stay on top of their education/stay on track
- provide a well-rounded education, but also focus on their individual talents and gifts and providing all the means we can to develop and encourage those strengths, that they my use them for God's glory.
- to be and remain humble concerning my sin, remembering that I am redeemed and no longer a slave to sin because of my gracious and loving Savior who gave Himself up for me...that my children will see and do the same.

I am sure I will add more to this list as time goes on, but I believe this is a good place to start. :)
I encourage you to write down your own short and long-term goals as a mom, a dad, a wife, a husband, a college student, a high school student...whoever you are! Live your life with purpose. Goal-setting is a great way to get started.

words from a professional...

I am in the midst of reading a very, very good book. (Will share more on that later.) I am only in the third chapter and already my brain is in overload and my heart overflowing. Just like any other wife and mother, I desire to be the best I can be for my family. But the longer I live, the more sin I find within my heart. I have a choice to make every day, then. I can dwell in the sorrow of my sin, or I can rejoice in my redemption from it. Too often I choose the former option and sulk about how I am not like this mother or that mother, how I wish I could be this or be that, etc, etc.
I am not superwoman, and my God and my family do not expect me to be. So why should I? If I am consistently seeking to be like Christ and follow His plan for my life, I will be all I need to be for them.

I mentioned at the end of my last post that I am a professional mother. I am. I am a professional mother because this is the job that God has given me for this season of my life...and really, for the rest of my life. So, if I am going to be a mother for the rest of my life, I might as well be a professional. Thankfully, though, I do not have to waste any money in classes and such. For this job, experience is free. And lucky for me, I am given a wealth of experience 24 hours a day! I will never receive a degree or diploma. There is no honor society or dean's list. And there certainly is no paycheck. And you know what? That's okay. Because when all is said and done, I hope and pray that I was faithful in the job divinely given to me, for it is one that will have an eternal impact for generations to come. So, no, I do not have a paid occupation. But I do have a career. I am not "just" a mother. I am a professional.

ramblings...

Today has been one of those days spent on the couch, almost completely wasted as far as productivity goes. Monday is typically laundry day for me and by this time of the day, I usually have a majority of it done. But it is not. I have spent most of my day on the couch - partly because I have been feeling sick to my stomach for the past few weeks and today was a hard day, and partly because of my 6 week old, who is cranky whenever he is awake and likes to be held. a lot. I don't mind holding him, of course, but would like 10 minutes here or there to switch the laundry...wash a few dishes...pee...think two thoughts put together...anything without instant dissatisfaction from him or his older (2 yr old) brother. Even now, my oldest son is demanding my attention - even though he has received much of my attention of late.
I know I "just" had a baby...but I am tired of that reason. I long for organization and normality. I crave it. I need it. I'm going a bit crazy without it. I used to not be so disciplined. I have worked hard the past few years to change that, and it is now that I have seen the fruits of that labor, for the requirement of flexibility and spontaneity have proven difficult. I am encouraged by it, and I am irritated by it.

I am a professional mother. All of this is in the job requirements.

And I love it. :)

There is so much on my heart and mind, and I don't know where to begin. I have been learning (and being reminded) so much about myself, and about my God. Here are a few things, vaguely summed up:

I am limited. He is not.
I am utterly flawed. He is perfect.
I am weak. He is strong.
I am a sinner. He is a Savior.
I am forever in need of grace. He is faithful, and eager to give it.
I am impatient. He is SO VERY patient.
I am conditional. He offers unconditional love.
I can do nothing on my own to reconcile myself to God. Christ reconciled on my behalf.
I am free. He gave me that freedom.
I have joy. He is the source of that joy.
I am blessed. He is gracious to bless me.

I.am.thankful.